One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery
plot
as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't
used
the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started......
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My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the TV?"
I replied "Dust".
And that's how the fight started......
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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I
feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me
a
compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's how the fight started......
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in
about 3
seconds.
I bought her a scale.
And that's how the fight started......
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I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started.....
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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
we
were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have
sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started.....
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********* *****
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a gas station.
And that's when the fight started......
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********* ******
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for
$14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than
the
cold cream.
And that's when the fight started......
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********* ******
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and
I kept
Staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
at a
nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those
many
years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And that's when the fight started....
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for
Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
to
verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go
home
and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
me,'
and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience
at the
Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have
gotten
Disability, too'
And that's how the fight got started.....
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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
The waiter said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's how the fight got started....
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat to the truck, and proceeded to back out
into a
torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be
bad
all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into
bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation,
and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.
'My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?'
And that's how the fight got started.....
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