I had to go to the council tip today, to dispose of an old frame and\nother bits of unwanted metal, and some bottles... lots of empty\nbottles...\n\n....and The Doctor wanted me to fill a great garden bag with 'soil\nimprover' (they chuck all the garden waste into a container and let it\nrot down, and you can help yourself, which is what I call spending the\ntaxpayers' money wisely).\n\nSo I decided to tote it all in the Ape.\n\nGot there, and the young'un on the gate, who checks to see you do really\nlive in the neighbourhood, boggled and said: "Sorry, mate. No vans and\npick-ups on a Sunday."\n\n"It's not a van. It's a moped."\n\n<Suspicious tone> "It looks like a pick-up to me." <Becoming surer of\nhimself> "Just a very small one."\n\n"It's a moped."\n\n"I'll ask me guvnor."\n\n"It's a motorbike! It's OK!" shouts the boss, and in I trundle, to be\nsurrounded by all the staff of the tip who're prodding and ogling it.