Fear me..

I'm now a fully trained auditor. I've never liked auditors and I
wasn't keen on having to have it as part of my responsibilities but I
actually enjoyed the course.

A lot of it was boring ISO shit that I already dealt with but having
the power to make people run around at my beck and call is fun. The
best part of the training was when we were doing a mock audit and the
trainer (playing the auditee) claimed he had a doctors appointment so
we'd have to be brief. My reply was "Something terminal?" The poor sod
was so shocked he dropped that tactic and told me afterwards that I
was the first person who'd ever left him unable to carry on with his
disruption plan.

It's great bringing ukrm into real life situations.

 

Andy Bonwick wrote:

Surely that would be 'Something terminal, ****?'

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That's worse than a project manager you know.

 

Don't I fucking know it. It's not something I wanted to do but if I
have to do it I'm going to have a laugh at someone elses expense.

 

Nice one.

On a not-dissimilar note, I was one of four from our company carrying
out a Vendor Audit for a US company earlier this year. They were
frankly awful[1] but they had a recently-hired QA manager named Ken.
Our quality person Linda (and me) gave him quite a hard time. She
followed up in the following month or so to get a few outstanding
questions resolved.

Three months later the poor guy was dead from heart failure, so Linda
was labelled KK for Kenny Killer, in "they killed Kenny - you
bastards" stylee.

Must bring that one up next week, in a workshop with said software
supplier...


[1] Although we're now we're now using them to *#$^%^%*%*% [expletives
deleted].

 

No chance, this is simply the boring old internal shit.

Where did I say that? I have to deal with ISO 9001 as part of my
proper job and this stuff is so we (as a company) can carry out
internal audits of the various parts of the company.

Why would I want to waste my time auditing other companies? I don't
even want to do my own but I've been told I have to.

I don't give a **** about qualifications, I only did the training so
we don't have to pay contractors to do our internal auditing. If I
thought I could get away with never actually doing an audit I'd be
very happy.

It was role playing. You know, a bit like kids playing cowboys and
indians except the whole point is to **** up the trainers plans and
leave him lost for words.

btw, I frequently tell our techs to postpone doctors appointments when
it doesn't suit our work schedule. If they can't get an appointment
after work they can take a days holiday to see their doctor. Nobody's
quit yet.

 

"Sit down, you ****."

 

Glitch in the matrix?

 

Surely that's very much cutting your nose off to spite your face? You let
them take an appointment, and they miss at most around 3 hours of work
(assuming a longish trip to and from the doc) out of your packed schedule.
You make them take a holiday, and you lose them for a whole day...

 

Excellent.

 

But in the first case it's on company time, in the second it's not.
Completely illegal to do that, of course.

 

It depends on who it is but we've got one or two that'll book
doctors/dentists appointments for 3pm when we're working over an hour
from home. If you accept that they're not going to go straight from a
power station you have to accept that you're not going to see them
from lunchtime onwards yet they expect to be paid to go to'medical'
type appointments.

If someone makes an effort and books an appointment for 5pm or later
then I'll let them get away early and pay them until 5:30 when their
shift finishes. This might not seem much but if they work until 5:30
they get paid an extra hour 'bonus' at overtime rate then their travel
home at normal rate. Just say the guy get's home at 4:30 (to have a
shower before seeing the doctor) he'll be paid until 7:30 with two
hours of that at overtime rate. 4 hours pay for being slightly
sensible isn't a bad deal.

Working away all the time is a minefield because you'll get people
book a Wednesday off to go shopping with their mums and if we're
working a long distance away we lose them for three days. Even I can't
refuse holidays if they're booked 4 weeks in advance so we end up
leaving them in our workshops for the whole week and all of a sudden
the holiday gets 'cancelled' on the Tuesday morning and they're home
every night for a week which was what they wanted all along.

Cynical? Not me.

 

You can't chain someone to the fence so they can't go but you can make
sure they know it's better to book a holiday next time.

 

This kind of thing is why there's moves to force GPs to accept
registrations from people outside their area.

 

Heh. You can now refer to your minions as pre-clears.