Flying (and irrational fear of)

I don't want any of your stuff if you die.

 

Those of you who have met me may be aware of my aversion to flying [1].

On Monday, I will be boarding an aeroplane for the first time in 5 years, to
go to Amsterdam.

SWMBO has already inflicted instructional videos on me [2] in preparation
for the ordeal.

So, if the fucking thing does crash, I'd like you all to bear in mind the
following:

I WAS FUCKING RIGHT ALL ALONG, PLANES ARE FUCKING DANGEROUS [3]

If it doesn't, then I was merely lucky on this occasion, OK?

[1] Well, to be more accurate, not flying as such, but crashing.
[2] The plane crash sequence from thet Tom Hanks film, you know, the one
with the merkin football called Wilson.
[3] If it does crash, then Bear can have the Zephyr, the ****.

--
Dan L (Oldbloke)

My bike 1996 Kawasaki ZR1100 Zephyr
M'boy's bike 2003 Honda NSR125R (Going)
Spare Bike 1990 Suzuki TS50X (Patio Ornament)
BOTAFOT #140 (KotL 2005), X-FOT#000, DIAABTCOD #26, BOMB#18 (slow)

 

Curses. Beaten to it by about 30secs!

JB

 

What size are her feet?

 

You can have my kids.

--
Dan L (Oldbloke)

My bike 1996 Kawasaki ZR1100 Zephyr
M'boy's bike 2003 Honda NSR125R (Going)
Spare Bike 1990 Suzuki TS50X (Patio Ornament)
BOTAFOT #140 (KotL 2005), X-FOT#000, DIAABTCOD #26, BOMB#18 (slow)

 

More worryingly, also a teenage son, but he's 18 next month

--
Dan L (Oldbloke)

My bike 1996 Kawasaki ZR1100 Zephyr
M'boy's bike 2003 Honda NSR125R (Going)
Spare Bike 1990 Suzuki TS50X (Patio Ornament)
BOTAFOT #140 (KotL 2005), X-FOT#000, DIAABTCOD #26, BOMB#18 (slow)

 

NP, it's got a shiny new zorst too.

--
Dan L (Oldbloke)

My bike 1996 Kawasaki ZR1100 Zephyr
M'boy's bike 2003 Honda NSR125R (Going)
Spare Bike 1990 Suzuki TS50X (Patio Ornament)
BOTAFOT #140 (KotL 2005), X-FOT#000, DIAABTCOD #26, BOMB#18 (slow)

 

Dan L says...

Have fun, and take a big sick bag.

Can I have the Passat?

--
Lozzo
Track pixie
GSX-R1000 K1
ZX-7R
GPZ500S

 

Fucking corker if you ask me.

I'll leave instructions with the boy for what to do if I end up plummetting
into the channel in one of BA's finest.

BTW, if it fucking does crash, and I manage to walk away, you can have the
boy's semi dismantled TS50 instead, Okay?

--
Dan L (Oldbloke)

My bike 1996 Kawasaki ZR1100 Zephyr
M'boy's bike 2003 Honda NSR125R (Going)
Spare Bike 1990 Suzuki TS50X (Patio Ornament)
BOTAFOT #140 (KotL 2005), X-FOT#000, DIAABTCOD #26, BOMB#18 (slow)

 

WTF do I care, I'll be dead.

Just turn up to BCP at Gatwick and say you're me.

--
Dan L (Oldbloke)

My bike 1996 Kawasaki ZR1100 Zephyr
M'boy's bike 2003 Honda NSR125R (Going)
Spare Bike 1990 Suzuki TS50X (Patio Ornament)
BOTAFOT #140 (KotL 2005), X-FOT#000, DIAABTCOD #26, BOMB#18 (slow)

 

Dan L says...

Game on.

"Hello, I'm Mr Dan Oldbloke. I've come for my Passat, but I haven't a
clue what the colour or reg number are."

Reckon that will work?

--
Lozzo
Track pixie
GSX-R1000 K1
ZX-7R
GPZ500S

 

Bound to mate. Just tell em they must remember me, as I was the one who
parked it there on Monday morning with the dodgy haircut and offensive
spouse.

Mined ewe, if I cop it in the plane crash and she survives, you'll possibly
have to be me in more ways than you'd bargained for.

--
Dan L (Oldbloke)

My bike 1996 Kawasaki ZR1100 Zephyr
M'boy's bike 2003 Honda NSR125R (Going)
Spare Bike 1990 Suzuki TS50X (Patio Ornament)
BOTAFOT #140 (KotL 2005), X-FOT#000, DIAABTCOD #26, BOMB#18 (slow)

 

And who do your neighbours go to?

 

Too many pre-natal classes passing on too much information.

 

Well, it worked for someone at Purple Parking recently for one of my
clients.

 

Well you've mentioned it here before. I have to say I really do not
understand how someone can be afraid of travelling in an aeroplane.
However we all have our phobias - I'm scared of heights but have no
problem at all in a plane. I have an aversion to airports which are a
total waste of time but that's something separate.

Have fun.

Given travelling time, time to and from airports and check in I'd be
tempted to do Eurostar and then Thalys from Brussels to Amsterdam. Far
more civilised. You'll tell me next you have a fear of 23 mile long
rail tunnels under seas!

The best instructional video is the hysterically funny episode of the
BBC programme Airport showing the preparations, briefing and BA flight
for a group of "flying scaredy cats". I'm being deeply unsympathetic
but it is one of the funniest programmes I've ever watched.

Probability extremely low.

No they are not. The risk of an accident is very low. The only issue is
that in most accidents the risk of a fatality is very high. I expect
you're at more risk of death in your house than in an aeroplane.

No you were just experiencing the same level of risk of millions of
people who were flying (without incident) somewhere else in the world.

 

Amsterdam's really good, enjoy the vist. Flying is a pain in the arse,
but one well worth payting for the joy of being elsewhere, (even if
that is heaven/hell, select as appropriate). Can't spell and am pissed

Brian

 

Dorothy had a house that flew. What are the chances of death in that?

 

Significantly less than under it.

 

On Saturday 15 October 2005 19:10, Dan L() wrote in

Heh!

A friend of mine was flying back from Australia (in a plane, obviously) and
had his laptop set up with a DVD player so he could watch films during the
long flights. What did he watch? Go on, guess. Here's a clue - the title
rhymes with "blastaway".

Another completely pointless flying anecdote is from my short trip to Italy
a couple of years ago. On the perfect flight back (not one cloud all the
way) a passenger turned to me and asked me if I knew when we'd be landing.
She'd just woken up so it's not that odd a question. Anyway, I said we'll
be descending in about 10 minutes and landing about half an hour
afterwards. 10 minutes later we start descending and the captain announces
that we'd be landing in half an hour. Not bad for guesswork, slightly
spooky though.