For Champ

Some of Spike Millegan's humourous rhymes have me in fits of laughter,
but I'm not sure you'd call it poetry.

From memory :

A baby sardine saw her first submarine,
She was scared and watched through a peephole.
"Oh, come, come, come," Said the sardine's mum,
"It's only a tin full of people."

--
_______
..'_/_|_\_'. Ace (b.rogers at ifrance.com)
\`\ | /`/
`\\ | //' BOTAFOT#3, SbS#2, UKRMMA#13, DFV#8, SKA#2, IBB#10
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Two in particular...

AT THE THEATRE: TO THE LADY BEHIND ME
A. P. Herbert

Dear Madam, you have seen this play;
I never saw it till today.
You know the details of the plot,
But, let me tell you, I do not.
The author seeks to keep from me
The murderer's identity,
And you are not a friend of his
If you keep shouting who it is.
The actors in their funny way
Have several funny things to say,
But they do not amuse me more
If you have said them just before;
The merit of the drama lies,
I understand, in some surprise;
But the surprise must now be small
Since you have just foretold it all.
The lady you have brought with you
Is, I infer, a half-wit too,
But I can understand the piece
Without assistance from your niece.
In short, foul woman, it would suit
Me just as well if you were mute;
In fact, to make my meaning plain,
I trust you will not speak again.
And?-may I add one human touch?-?
Don't breathe upon my neck so much.





BLOODY ORKNEY
Capt. Hamish Blair, RN

This bloody town's a bloody cuss
No bloody trains, no bloody bus,
And no one cares for bloody us
In bloody Orkney.

The bloody roads are bloody bad,
The bloody folks are bloody mad,
They'd make the brightest bloody sad,
In bloody Orkney.

All bloody clouds, and bloody rains,
No bloody kerbs, no bloody drains,
The Council's got no bloody brains,
In bloody Orkney.

Everything's so bloody dear,
A bloody bob, for bloody beer,
And is it good? - no bloody fear,
In bloody Orkney.

The bloody 'flicks' are bloody old,
The bloody seats are bloody cold,
You can't get in for bloody gold
In bloody Orkney.

The bloody dances make you smile,
The bloody band is bloody vile,
It only cramps your bloody style,
In bloody Orkney.

No bloody sport, no bloody games,
No bloody fun, the bloody dames
Won't even give their bloody names
In bloody Orkney.

Best bloody place is bloody bed,
With bloody ice on bloody head,
You might as well be bloody dead,
In bloody Orkney
--
Dave
GS850x2 XS650 SE6a

"It's a moron working with power tools.
How much more suspenseful can you get?"
- House

 

Dozy bugger.
GWS old man. }:8)

M.

 

Classic!

 

Does he specialise in secondhand vehicle parts?

 

[Deletes Blog from favourites...]
Another GWS from me too.

 

I have that committed to memory, too, and (without double-checking) I
think you have it word perfect.

 

Heh.

 

I remember that one, but I'm damned if I know where from. I *think* it
dates from WW1.

 

Oddly I don't find that funny at all.

But along slightly similar lines I still find this hillarious.

Mary had a little lamb,
she tied it to a pylon,
2000 volts went up it's arse,
and turned it's wool to nylon.

 

Really? Wow, someone with an even more childlike sense of humour than
my own. You continue, occasionally, to astonish.

--
_______
..'_/_|_\_'. Ace (b.rogers at ifrance.com)
\`\ | /`/
`\\ | //' BOTAFOT#3, SbS#2, UKRMMA#13, DFV#8, SKA#2, IBB#10
`\|/`
`

 

There's only one poem that I vaguely like but I can only remember
about one verse of, and that's the Rime of the Ancient Mariner.

I blame Douglas Adams.

 

Hah. I rather like that.

 

Mary had a little lamb,
her father shot it dead,
but still it goes to school with her,
between two hunks of bread.

 

I never 'committed' it to memory, but it just stuck. But now I think
about it some of the poetic bits I did at 'O' level have stuck with
me, like Antonio's[1] opening speech in the Merchant of Venice. But
that sort of thing just seemed a clever way of saying something,
whereas Wilfred Owen, Siegried Sassoon et al just seemed to be saying
"War's shit, people get killed" in a thousand unneccessary lines.

[1] Somehow it just gells: "In sooth I know not why I'm sad, it
wearies me; I know it weares you..."
--
_______
..'_/_|_\_'. Ace (b.rogers at ifrance.com)
\`\ | /`/
`\\ | //' BOTAFOT#3, SbS#2, UKRMMA#13, DFV#8, SKA#2, IBB#10
`\|/`
`

 

This is something I heard years ago:

Thirty dirty birdies
Sitting on the grass
Chirping and a-burping and eating dirty worms

 

My gast is flabberred. If you like that you should spend a minute or
twenty googling for more of his "poetry". Good, it is.

--
_______
..'_/_|_\_'. Ace (b.rogers at ifrance.com)
\`\ | /`/
`\\ | //' BOTAFOT#3, SbS#2, UKRMMA#13, DFV#8, SKA#2, IBB#10
`\|/`
`

 

Mary had a little lamb, the midwife was shocked.

Or this one which has stuck since the playground.

Mary had a little lamb
She thought it quite so silly,
She threw it up into the air and caught it by its
Willie was a watch dog sitting in the grass
Along came a bumble bee and stung him in the
Ask no questions, tell no lies,
Have you ever seen a chinaman doing up his
Flies are a nuisance bees are worse
That is the end of this silly little verse.

 

Mary had a little sheep
With this sheep she went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
Mary had a little lamb

 

'Scorflufus' is a classic.

As to poetry, I'm in the same boat[1] as LN and Platy, metaphorically
speaking.

[] Though not necessarily a beautiful pea green vessel.

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