HBOL Terminology

Shamelessly stolen from another NG
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer
anticlockwise.

Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with a hammer.

Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start. Now you
are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.

Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...

Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (giant economy size).

Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: PINGGGG - "Where the hell did that go?"

Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to
dig out the bayonet part (and maybe a plaster or two).

Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead
are throbbing then clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it.

Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken, it's about to be. We warned you...

Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: An infant could do this... so how did you manage to **** it up?

Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low,
teensy weensy number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of
the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).

Haynes: Three spanner rating.
Translation: Make sure you won't need your car for a couple of days.

Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You're not seriously considering this are you?

Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't ever carry your loved ones in it again.

Haynes: Bolt will be tight
Translation: You havent a hope in hell!

Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on it, throw it
at the garage wall, then find some molegrips and a hammer...

Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking
at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought,
it's going to need a new one"

Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to suffer deep abrasions.

Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.

Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder.
Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to
feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.

Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: Yeah, right. But you swear in different places.
Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...

Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother. Alternatively,
clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book, bar what you need to do

Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: RAC Card & Mobile Phone



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Robbo
1500GL 1988 Goldwing (Rebuild in process)
BMW K100 RS 1984
BotaFOF #19
E.O.S.M 2001/2002/2003
B.O.S.M 2003
FURSWB#1 KotL
YTC449
PM#7

\= /=
\= / /=
\ \= / /=
\\\' , / //
\\\//, / //,
\_-//' / / /<,
\ /// <//`
/ >> \\\`__/
/,)-^>> _\` \\\
(/ \\ //\\
// _//\\\\
(( ((

 

Is there already a HBoL describing how to re-use ancient jokes??

 

Do I need to reiterate my feelings towards cut and paste repostings of
ancient shite? Especially when carried out by twats?

No, I thought not.

 

**** me, you're on a roll tonight Pip. No more alcohol in the house?

 

Your comment has been noted, thanks. Send beer. Stat.

 

You don't sound desperate enough...sorry

 

Your tally stick has now been notched. Sorry.

 

Shamelessly stolen from another NG

1) DIGAF about what you think.
2) DIGAF about your personal sad attempts at abuse
3) Some people mayy not have read it

HTH
HAND

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Robbo
1500GL 1988 Goldwing (Rebuild in process)
BMW K100 RS 1984
BotaFOF #19
E.O.S.M 2001/2002/2003
B.O.S.M 2003
FURSWB#1 KotL
YTC449
PM#7

\= /=
\= / /=
\ \= / /=
\\\' , / //
\\\//, / //,
\_-//' / / /<,
\ /// <//`
/ >> \\\`__/
/,)-^>> _\` \\\
(/ \\ //\\
// _//\\\\
(( ((

 

Actually I give a **** that I can't see who you're responding to.

Could you set your attributes correctly please? Thanks everso.

 

Par for the course, innit.

You have some chance of getting him to alter the habit of a lifetime.

 

But I asked nicely! I didn't call him names or nuffink.

 

[of Robbo's posting style]

That could be where you're going wrong, see. I bet you know insulting
names that he's never heard of.

 

I might, but then again since I don't know who else has been insulting
him away from this place I could well be wrong.

Tricky. Very tricky coves, insults.

 

Does he deliver it himself, or does Mrs. Statto do a delivery service?

 

Knock knock.


Oh go on - you might not have heard it.

 

Hello? Doorstep deliveries? I'll have 1,478 large gins, please.

 

Hello, Wincanton? Yes, have you still got those tankers you used when
you were delivering Gordon's to a large house in London? Good, I
wonder if you can help....