I have decided

Being immortal, in the unlikey event of me ever shuffling off this
mortal coil I want the following funeral arrangements.

White coffin with red Yamaha speed blocks down the sides with 'LOZZO'
where the Yamaha should be. I want it strapped down with ratchet straps
onto a bike trailer and towed to the crem.

Cremation.

No religion; No arguments on this one, I despise religion and all it
stands for.

Those who have bikes should ride them to the crem. Those who don't have
bikes should borrow one or arrange a pillion ride there.

No black clothes unless they are a normal part of daily wear, i.e. MIB#
holders shall treat it like any other day.

No cunts to attend, you know who you are.

My coffin is to go through the curtains to the sound of Joe Dolce's
"Shaddapa you face"

I want my pall bearers to be the 2 shortest people I know and the 2
tallest people I know. Tall people at the front because I want to
wheelie into the crem.

I want an early morning cremation, it gives everyone time to get pissed
all day long if they've taken a day off.

Someone is to take my son under their wing and get him pissed out of his
head, and then listen to his terrible jokes.

No flowers except from family. Donations to British Heart Foundation
instead please.

I know it's a morbid subject, but you have to make light of it somehow.
There's nothing planned, no reason why I need to share all this, it just
came into my head when I saw a white coffin in a hearse today.

--
Lozzo
Track pixie
GSX-R1000 K1
I haven't lost my mind, it's
backed up to a floppy disc
that's around here somewhere.

 

You didn't mention the ex wife's position in the event? strapped
alive to the coffin pre-cremation in a Hindu stylee?

'Hog

 

Lozzo wrote:

Burn the heretic!

Oh, you already covered that. Sorry.

A trip wire to catch the front two will give you a stoppie too.

<snips other good stuff so other people can have a go>

 

Sort of similar for me, and i have it written in my already prepared will.

Cremated and all body parts can be used apart from eyes so i can see
the future, no black and i also despise religion, bucket of ashes to be
taken
by fast car, Ferrari if my estate can afford it to Silverstone and scattered
around the outside of Woodcote corner so i get a good view.

No member of family is to place flowers or anything on the circuit or even
go there uness its to a race meeting. The daughter can spend all my dosh
on whatever she wants.

Alan

__
VFR800ABS for Fun, Jaguar for Comfort.
BOTAFOT #148

 

Should one overtake a hearse? I was stuck behind one recently, and
upon filtering through the BMW and Mercedes ridden entourage I
realised why they were going so slowly. I just turned off left, had a
fag for ten minutes and carried on knowing that they'd have arrived at
their destination in that time but am unsure as to what the proper
conduct is around overtaking funeral people and their guest of honour.

 

Alan Crowder says...

I'd go along with that, but I want Champ, Bonners and Bear to take my
ashes by bike to Donington Park at warp speed 9 and spread them in the
kitty litter at Coppice. No-one will want these body parts, the ones
they need are the ones that are already fucked on me.

--
Lozzo
Track pixie
GSX-R1000 K1
I haven't lost my mind, it's
backed up to a floppy disc
that's around here somewhere.

 

If you seriously want that, I can put you in touch with a funeral
director who would arrange all of it as and when it's needed.

 

White coffin with red Yamaha speed blocks down the sides with 'LOZZO'

Well. If you are going for the 1970s Yamaha petrol tank look, why not stuff
a few gallons of four star [1] inside it.
You could really go out in a blaze of glory!

I liked the yellow with black speed blocks scheme better myself though.

[1] Got to be leaded
You get a nice orange flame and black smokewith that.
Unleaded gives a piss-yellow flame and white smoke.
I wonder what Av Gas does?

Dave
(NVQ Level 2 in Theatrical Pyrotechnics (honest!!))

 

Yes. Preferably on the back wheel.

That reminds me - some twonk driving one of those community ambulances
(you know the ones - like minibuses with extra kit, and full of mongs)
decided to stop in the middle of the main road to let somebody out of a
side turning.

I nearly went into the back of the ****. OK, so I should have been
leaving extra space, yadda yadda, but the twat had right of way, and
behnd me there was nothing, so why he decided to be super-polite, I
dunno.

I wasn't super-polite, anyway, because I bawled through his window: "Are
you fucking trying to drum up trade or what?" before gunning the bike
away.

 

I thought that's how he meant you were going to get the ashes into the
gravel.

 

One of my best mates is a funeral director. His answer to this is
"yes, but with respect".

 

ALthough the logistics are awkward I'd quite like mine leaving at the
top of the col de la bonnette.

 

Lozzo fumbled, fiddled and fingered:

<snip morbid rambling>

Whilst agreeing re religion etc ... I could'nt give a flying **** what
happens to my lump of lardy flesh once I've croaked.

Sell the bits to a cult of necrophiliacs for all I care and get pissed
on the proceeds


--
Steve Parry
K100RS SE & F650
and a 520i SE Touring for comfort

(not forgetting the SK90PY)

http://www.gwynfryn.co.uk

 

I can just picture the ceremony.

We are gathered here to rememebr Lozzo, the crank seals went before he
managed to hole the pistons.

 

Are you on commission?

 

MikeH fumbled, fiddled and fingered:

"No salesman will call, and you get to keep this beautiful carraige
clock"

--
Steve Parry
K100RS SE & F650
and a 520i SE Touring for comfort

(not forgetting the SK90PY)

http://www.gwynfryn.co.uk

 

I'm waiting for the first funeral director spam to appear.

 

Ben says...

Everyone can be as disrespectful as they like at my going away do. I
doubt my parents will attend if God's not invited.

--
Lozzo
Track pixie
GSX-R1000 K1
I haven't lost my mind, it's
backed up to a floppy disc
that's around here somewhere.

 

I'm with you on this Dave. The 50th anniversary R1 at the NEC is drop
dead gorgeous. How appropriate

Sorry, Loz, you've been outvoted. We'll you are dead after all.
--
Gyp BOTAFOT#99, BotToS#4, UKRMT5BB, DIAABTCOD#28, HYPO#4
'81 R65RS - SORN but not forgotten
'89 R80RT - intercontinental ballistic tourer
'97 XLH1200 - weapon of muff disruption
'04 Z750 - oh look, something from this millennium
Take out the chemical loo to reply

 

Lozzo fumbled, fiddled and fingered:

<snip> God's not invited.

What you're not inviting Kenny Roberts !!! Shock!

--
Steve Parry
K100RS SE & F650
and a 520i SE Touring for comfort

(not forgetting the SK90PY)

http://www.gwynfryn.co.uk