I have return from Tenerife!

I have returned from sunnier climes to minus 4 and fog at London
Stansted. Bit of a thermal shock you might say. Jane and I have enjoyed
the charms of Tenerife on a cheap, fully inclusive, last minute, don't
know what hotel we are going to, two weeks before Xmas break. We also
met 'Brits on Tour'.

Our first foray into the restaurant was met with a sea of over-weights
in football strip with shaved heads and tattoos and some of those were
women. Along with some good ones, I have never seen such sadly lacking
children unable to behave or even eat at a table. And they had parents
to match.

Things that spring to mind:

A lad of about 11, with a breakfast of fried eggs, sausage, beans and
bacon, which he ate with his fingers.

A girl of 10 who piled her plate to over flowing, then at the table what
she didn't like the taste of, ejected it from her mouth on to the floor.
She would then scrape the rest of the offending food onto the table
cloth with her hand, which was what she was using to eat with (plus a
fork for the hot bits).

Buffet service, but get in early because of the 'pick up a bit try it
put it back on the service tray if you don't like it' or if you are a
kid spit it back on to the service tray.

An obese bloke in his best England strip, who sat sideways at the table
at every meal eating everything from his plate with his fingers. His
kids had better table manners.

Parents drunk out of their skulls with their kids running riot.

So many shaved head kids (mostly from Newcastle) we would refer to them
as the Chemotherapy Kids or Chemo Kids.

The cat fights in the disco in the evening were entertaining.

Which is where I discovered that although I never saw one of the 'Brits
on Tour' young ladies go topless on the beach or pool area, there was a
trend to wear short skirts and go commando in the disco. Not thongs,
commando.

One guy rebuking another for wearing the England home kit when he should
have been wearing the away kit?

One shaved head yob in front of me at the bar asked for Bacardi and
coke. When he got ice in it the response was "I didn't ask for ice you
f**king day-go." The bar staff were very restrained.

Some parents were a joy to see with the care to the upbringing of their
children but sadly in the minority.

We did go out a lot and had some outstanding meals at places only the
locals would go to. This was because we managed to meet our old publican
and his misses who have moved out there and we were taken to some good
places to eat.

Did some diving and had a 'Steve Erwin' moment with a 3 meter wide
Atlantic ray. Met some bikers in the hotel who reckoned the roads were
awesome.

But it was embarrassing to be British. I strained my faltering French
and German to mix with anyone else.

 

Did Rope book this for you?

 

The joke always leads to...

....the punchline.

How is this a bad thing?

Heh. Quality.

Is it because they destroyed the TSR2 tooling?

 

How depressing. I had a very similar experience in Alcudia a few years
ago. The hotel itself was nice enough - an enormo-complex with good
facilities, which held the best part of 2000 people. But the Brits...
oh good grief. Just as you described them; morbidly obese, tattooed,
shaven-headed, knuckle-dragging retards smoking and drinking their
heads off by mid-morning, effing and jeffing at their children at 110dB
and putting them into creche at every opportunity (God forbid they
might actually have to spend some time with their kids on holiday). And
of course, it kicked off every night. How nice it was to be woken at
3AM to hear some bird outside screaming "Put the knife down, Kevin!".

I will never do another Med package holiday again if I can possibly
avoid it. It's scrote-free cruise liners for me these days...

 

Makes you so proud to be British.

--
Veggie Dave
UKRMHRC#2 BOTAFOF#08
IQ 18 FILMS http://www.iq18films.com
POST PRODUCTION http://www.iq18films.co.uk
Toxic Shock Syndrome Gets More Girls Than Me

 

Er, excuse me but having tattoos does not make you a scrote.

And if you say otherwise I'll kick yer fucking head ya ****!

Hmm, they must put something in the ink...

--
Veggie Dave
UKRMHRC#2 BOTAFOF#08
IQ 18 FILMS http://www.iq18films.com
POST PRODUCTION http://www.iq18films.co.uk
Toxic Shock Syndrome Gets More Girls Than Me

 

Forgive me, I am weak.

 

Was the beaver shaved to match the haircuts too, then?

 

In

<snip tale of Englands "finest">

It's embarressing is'nt it!

I've seen lots of kids that nowadays are totally incapable of eating with
cutlery or with any grace or manners. One of my daughters friends proudly
announced when we took her for Sunday lunch one day that her entire diet at
home is Pot Noodles and bread and butter!

I've only been to Tenerife once, once was enough. The diving's shit, the
place is like Blackpool with more sun and in the evening the Nigerian
hookers pester your almost every step.

Then the cherry on top is having to be constantly ashamed of fellow Brits.

 

Quite right, sir - I've got no problem whatsoever with seeing several
of them on Angelina Jolie, who is most certainly not a scrote. It's
just when I see them on some chain-smoking, lobster-coloured zeppelin
who could be mistaken on a dark night for either Jabba the Hut or
Grotbags from Rod Hull's Pink Windmill Show that I start to think
tattoos on birds aren't always a good idea.

 

Yes and no and partly.
Does that help?

 

I think it's more that if you go to a place that is frequented by "X"
nationality, then it's probably an easily accessible/cheap destination
and nationality "X" seem to act like dickheads. Aussies in Bali or
Earls Court, Brits in Spain (from what I've heard, I have no
experience of it), Yanks in South Pacific, whatever . . . you aren't
the only nationality to have twats messing up holidays (which is why I
avoid places like that like the plague).

 

Ah; Swamp Monsters.

 

I don't agree.

Go to Amsterdam, for example, which is absolutely jammed full of
different nationalities. Who are the fuckwits?

The English, Yanks and Nigerians.

--
Veggie Dave
UKRMHRC#2 BOTAFOF#08
IQ 18 FILMS http://www.iq18films.com
POST PRODUCTION http://www.iq18films.co.uk
Toxic Shock Syndrome Gets More Girls Than Me

 

Places that need anti malaria tablets or yellow fever jabs tend to keep
the plebs and their spawn away.

But on the other hand my last minute holiday was cheap.

 

Haven't been there so I'll take your word on it. But I didn't mean
*just* Spain. I meant more somewhere where nationalities gather in
groups of their own - I mean what's the point on going on holidays if
you are going to hang around your fellow countrymen (unless you are on
holiday with 1 or 2 close friends).

A mate of mine from Tasmania is living in Amsterdam at the moment and
he says it is good fun. Will have to take a trip over there sometime
soon and check it out for myself.

Cheers

 

Ah, I see what you mean. I'd still argue, though, that certain
nationalities will always stand out.

Go in winter. Fewer Brits and Yanks.

--
Veggie Dave
UKRMHRC#2 BOTAFOF#08
IQ 18 FILMS http://www.iq18films.com
POST PRODUCTION http://www.iq18films.co.uk
Toxic Shock Syndrome Gets More Girls Than Me

 

For limited values thereof, yes

 

It's not just the holidaymakers. In .ch I soon learned not to
frequent the expatriate (i.e. English) bars -- apart from the fact that
they were full of Poms, they always descended into a bitch session, "the
Swiss don't do the same as we do at home." Well, duh![1] It's Switzerland,
not England!

[1] © Jay Leno

--
Ivan Reid, School of Engineering & Design, _____________ CMS Collaboration,
Brunel University. Ivan.Reid@[brunel.ac.uk|cern.ch] Room 40-1-B12, CERN
GSX600F, RG250WD "You Porsche. Me pass!" DoD #484 JKLO#003, 005
WP7# 3000 LC Unit #2368 (tinlc) UKMC#00009 BOTAFOT#16 UKRMMA#7 (Hon)
KotPT -- "for stupidity above and beyond the call of duty".

 

I'd love to revisit, anytime. You just have to escape from the tourist
traps. Lots of beautiful landscapes, Orotava, the Teide natural park
(probably not correct name?), Pico del Teide, and lots of cultural
stimuli. Many years ago I enjoyed visiting a museum in Santa Cz. d. T.,
with exhibits of prehistoric cave dwelling tribes (Guanchos??), and the
astrophycical observatory up in the mountains, at which the attendant
was happy to give an improptu visitor a brief tour. Just don't remain
where the tour operators drop you off.

That appies to more nationalities than Brits. You are most likely to
recognise fellow countrymen/women; the rest are anonymous "foreigners",
that you luckily don't need to be ashamed of. I know who lots of them
are likely to (have) be(en).