Learning to ride...

.... a horse.

We're off on Friday to this place:

http://www.equestrian-escapes.com/RegionsSee-id212.html

to pursue a long-standing plan to learn enough about big smelly animals
to be in a position to use them to travel, if we should be so inclined.

I've already learned a lot. From buying a minimum of necessary clothing
I've learned that riding is an exclusively female pursuit; the shops have
more for horses to wear than for men. If I were in the market for a gf,
which I'm not, this would be a good plan.

From Youtube videos and other web resources I've learned that under some
circumstances counter-steering seems to work. Also that if the brakes
fail you can just ride around in ever-decreasing circles. And that,
although they don't generally fall over when they stop, "deciding to have
a little lie down" is nothing more than a literal description of a
certain type of mishap. And that they're less likely to burn you, but
more likely to injure you in just about any other way.

I figure there must be a few people here who know how to ride a bike with
four legs. If you have any tips to avoid comedy moments or serious
injury, I should be glad to hear them.

 

Just be strong. Whenever it tries to pull its head away, resist hard
with the reins. You need to show it who's boss. Oh, and carrying a
riding crop, but not using it, can help make the horse think you know
what you're doing.

 

Only until I get on, presumably. But pre-emptive intimidation seems like a
promising strategy, none-the-less. Do they recognise any more effective
weapons?

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Ace

Well, there's your problem, right there.

 

When it goes totally wrong, look here.

http://tinyurl.com/dobbinukrm

 

Heh. So true.

Always assume the girth is loose before getting onboard (it probably
will be if I'm in the vicinity). Don't fall off - it's a long way down
& collar bones in particular tend not to cope too well. Don't be afraid
to tell the rental bods you want the stirrups lower if you don't feel
too stable. If they try to put you on a horse that's wearing a
martingale, pretend you've got a headache & walk away quickly.

 

I've got to disagree there, shorter stirrups (within reason) give a
more secure feeling.

At least a martingale gives you something hand to hold on to.

Danny

2004 Ducati 749s (Red)
1987 Honda TLR200 (White)
2000 16.2hh Thoroughbred (Brown)
2004 16.1hh Thoroughbred (Brown)
1998 17.2hh Olenburg Warm Blood (Brown)

 

For experienced riders, but not complete novices ime.

Heh.

 

Yes, I confess that had occurred to me (perhaps I could take a print-out,
to show the horse at the same time as the crop). But I can imagine it
going *much* more totally wrong than that.

 

When I was a young teenager growing up in a village, the local riding
school kept some of their horses in the field behind my parent's house.
The girls who rode the horses back and forth between stables and field
on a regular basis were the girls I learned the 'ins and outs' of how
much fun making babies could be. One of them is the mother of my eldest
daughter.

--
Lozzo
Versys 650 Inter-Continental Hyperbolistic Missile , CBR600F-W racebike
in the making, TS250C, RD400F (somewhere)
BMW E46 318iSE (it's a car, not one of those 2-wheeled pieces of shite
they churn out)

 

Clothing - wear layers. Riding, unless at a walk, is hot work. Wear
soft trousers - not jeans, and particularly not jeans with seams down
the inside leg. Wear shoes/boots with decent heels.

If you need to walk round a horse do it round the front. Avoid sudden
movements. Listen to your instructor. Have fun.

 

?>"Lozzo" wrote in message

its that whole 'grip with the knees' that gives em muscles in amazing
places.

 

I had to read that line twice.

 

Bloody "Pony Club" style. Thank god they gave up teaching that some
years back, and nowadays are quite happy for the bandy-legged to grip
with their calves, which is what I always did anyway.

Cowboy-style riding suits me much better, with lower stirrups and less
emphasis on the knees, but the wierdest of all is the arab style,
where you're sitting nearly on the nag'e neck and leaning backwards in
the saddle. Takes some getting used to, especially when cantering
across a desert in failing light with a pony that wants to gallop.

 

Me too. I used to have them just high enough to get me bollocks out the
way when jumping.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30265882&l=b5ff79a886&id=13570732
46

 

Quality

 

I rewatched part of East to East last night and the scene with the Great
Dane came to mind

 

'bastard bitch'

 

I've only ridden a horse once and it nearly ended in disaster when the
brute tried to smear my leg along a fence so I knew who was boss. This
would have been ok if I hadn't got a load of stitches in that leg after
a bike crash and wasn't in a position to kick **** out of it when I
finally managed to get off. Never again.

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Andy Bonwick

Anyone else getting the "Blazing Saddles" scene where Mongo floors the
horse with a punch?