My downward spiral...

Suddenly this Buell thing is starting to make sense. Yes, my gateway
drug was a Speed Triple... introducing me to the pleasures of upright
seating, conventional bars, chromework and streethoolie handling.
Enough to make me forget the gainful employment of a crotchrocket
pilot and become a vulgar addict laying down staccato fire on innocent
twisties everywhere. Yes, there are the niggling details about the
Buell's reliability but when you've already laid with the Speed
Fragger how bad could a twin based on the most populous engine known
to man be?

So it didn't take long to pique my interest in the Lightning. Hairy
V-twin in a flyweight frame with gumball tires? A bicycle with balls.
Yet I never quite worked up the nads to walk into the dealership.
Doing so required going straight into the motor company's lair. To
degrade yourself and lay with the enemy. I mean you might as well try
to sell bibles inside of a porn shop. What's up with THAT?!

Not surpisingly I had to parade past an entire array of Hawgs to get
to the Buells. Chrome and paintwork shot out at beckoning angles
everywhere. My reflection multiplied in the glinting brightwork,
calling to the inner Narcissus. Chrome dome air cleaner covers
magnifying the bulge in one's pants in a most flattering fashion.
Pausing before some Road Bagger, shot up in the same candy electric
blue of a Yamaha I once knew I stood there dumbstruck at the genius of
their marketing department.

Do you know how many squids bought an R series Yamaha in that color?
And now they're here for the mature sportbikes out back, but before
you toss a leg over that here have a quick subliminal message. Yamaha
Blue on Harley bagger = your new mistress.

Banish these thoughts from your head! Keep walking pilgrim. I
entertained myself for awhile with the Harley crap on sale. Half the
dealership was devoted to anything but motorcycles. Harley lingerie,
stiletto pumps, silly biker bells, lunchboxes, clocks, crap on a stick
you name it and virtually all of it Made in China. Even the little
American flags with the screaming eagles on top of the flagpole,
screaming no doubt at the wholesale exploitation of third world labor.
There is nothing more comical than a leather vested tough guy manning
a counter that for all practical purposes is a souvenir shop on
Viagra. Yeaaaaah! Kick my ass! And then ask me if that'll be
Mastercard or Visa, bitch!

Finally the holy grail. The Buell Lightning. With the new 1200cc
motor! Next to it stood a 1000, but it was instantly rendered
irrelevant. The bigger bike had beefier hardware, wheels, brakes and
most importantly pipework which bulged like a set pythons lazily
circling the engine... as though the Serpent himself was imploring you
to sample the forbidden fruit that reciprocates within.

The immediate impression upon saddling the Lightning is one of an
astonishingly small motorcycle. It's almost like you're sitting on top
of nothing. No nose, no tail, no width between your legs, no weight!
It's not so much a motorcycle proper as it is a two wheeled
suppository. Ever see a dog dragging its ass against the carpet
because its glands are swollen? I imagined myself looking quite the
same on the asphalt for entirely similar reasons!

A 105 horsepower blowmolded plastic bigwheel. I was reminded of this
when I noticed the flashing and flimsy nature of the tank cover. Still
a little rough around the edges and in need of a little polishing here
and there but overall an appealing package. The wheels in particular
seemed hewn from a giant hunk of citron colored gemstone.

The salesman's heavy eastern European accent intruded on this
daydreaming like a brownshirted thug asking for my papers. Shaking my
hand, he introduced himself using an immediately forgettable name
requiring far too many consonants. Please, can I buy you a vowel man?

I informed of my intentions and inquired as to whether these were '03s
or '04s. Freshly hatched he chirped. Latest models and we're offering
3.9% financing. Cash only please, I don't care for financing and what
sort of deals are you willing to offer in the dead of an upcoming
winter?

MSRP is all we can do, and we really prefer to finance you instead.
Whoa! No mistaking you're in a Harley stealership! Maybe he was used
to the RUB morons trying to fit in and be cool on their first bike,
but I for one am not used to dealing on the dealer's terms. I then
inquired about a test ride only to be told that they can't offer those
in NYC because of the risk.

Oh well. No deals, no test ride... NO SALE! I walked out of there
feeling sorry for all those pretty bikes being held captive by the
assinine management. Poor bikes, all destined for poseurs who are
willing to put up with the attitude instead of real motorcyclists who
care more about customer service than the same brand of "we're doing
you a favor" pretense available at fine SA-lons everywhere. But then
again that's where the real money is. Selling that first bike to a
clueless newbie who is going to use it more as a garage ornament than
anything else.

The affliction remains however. Yes Virginia, that Buell Lightning
1200 is going to be my next bike! Now all I have to do is find someone
willing to sell one for a song...

 

: It's not so much a motorcycle proper as it is a two wheeled
: suppository.

This stuff is gold!

 

Weren't they selling 60 or so of 'em on e-Bay at a Las Vegas dealership for
~$5500? Maybe that was the puny 1000cc.

Peckham

 

On Fri, 28 Nov 2003 18:46:44 GMT, Demetrius XXIV and the Gladiatores

Ahh Demetri the cross posting troll is back. I quoted everything of
importance you wrote.


Ironhorse, HSB#96, SENS BS
2001 Ultraclassic with Sidecar
96 Custom bucket of bolts (gone but not forgotten)

 

Well Jr. Pudknocker... so will sniffing acetone...

Larry L
94 RC45 #2
Have a wheelie NICE day...
Lean & Mean it... the extended warranty in every corner of your life...
If it wasn't for us the fast lane would rust...
V4'S are music to the seat of my pants...
1952 De Havilland Chipmunk...
Yank and bank your brains loose...
http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/-xlax-/
http://home.comcast.net/~netters2/

 

Same here. It looks really nice in person, the seating position is
good, and hell, how can one refuse a Mille with the plastic ripped
off?

 

Check EBAY. Also, don't listen to the whiners that say they don't
turn. They said the same thing about the 1000cc version last year but
the thing still got the best lap times on the test track.

Mike

 

A track full of EX250s.

 

Awesome piece of writing...if you could market this stuff, you'd have a
Buell in no time! (walk in, plunk down a wad of cash and say, "MY TERMS,
ASSHOLE!" Wheee!
barbz

 

: The affliction remains however. Yes Virginia, that Buell Lightning
: 1200 is going to be my next bike! Now all I have to do is find someone
: willing to sell one for a song...

Hey....I agree with you for a change !!
The Buell is too Kuell !!

Wait 6-8 months and you will get a good deal.
Wait til you work on it. Buells are a blast to work on.
Cheepo parts, as many HD dealers as there are chebby dealers..

Im going for a 9 offa ebay when they drop a little.

The only thing you have to worry about if you worry about such things, is
resale. If you bought it...you are pretty much stuck with it.

 

I like the Falco better than the Tuono, not that I'd turn either down if
you offered me one. But the fact is, some of the Buells are cool. I didn't
think so till I was eating at the outdoor seating of a restaurant and the
Firebolt of one of the workers was parked near my seat. When his shift was
over and he left, I admit I was instantly seduced by the sound of that bike.
Well, OK, not so seduced that I'd go hock the VTR and go into debt for the
Buell, but yeah, I'd give it a test ride before I spring for the Falco.

 

:
: >
:
: How bad is that? I am stuck with my wonderful M2. Lot's of smiles
: per mile. Also, lot's of parts available on EBAY for these and
: very low prices. Just picked up a mint seat for $22.00 off EBAY. Most
: bikes have horrible resale value. I paid $6500 for mine new in 2000.
: Most likely I could get $4000.00 for it now. It could be worse
: although it is not for sale.
:
: Mike


Dont take that the wrong way, Micheal.
Its just that alot of guys get a bike already worrying about resale,
accumulating miles etc etc more than than they do riding it and enjoying it.
I though it would be appropriate to bring that up in case this person worries
about that type of stuff.
I know a few Buell owners who moved on to other bikes and later regretted
getting rid of the Buell. My Zx9 falls into this catagorie too so I obviously dont worry
about resale.

 

Exactly. The one reviewer said it was an ill handling pig however,
the track times were fastest on the Buell versus the other bikes that
they tested with it. Plan on spending an hour or two dialing in the
suspension on these bikes. They handle fine.

Mike

 

My dealership Uke's here in Kenosha WI has test rides. Hal's HD does
as well. The dealers that sell alot of Buells have test rides. The
one's that don't don't. Go to www.badweatherbikers.com and find out
who the great Buell dealerships are and go get a test ride.

Mike

 

Also, I'd bet that the low unsprung weight of the wheels, combined
with the insanely short steering angle and HUGE rotational inertia
would make for a different steering feel than most sportbikes.

Having that huge amount of rotating mass effectively acts as a
gyroscopic steering damper at high speeds.

 

How bad is that? I am stuck with my wonderful M2. Lot's of smiles
per mile. Also, lot's of parts available on EBAY for these and
very low prices. Just picked up a mint seat for $22.00 off EBAY. Most
bikes have horrible resale value. I paid $6500 for mine new in 2000.
Most likely I could get $4000.00 for it now. It could be worse
although it is not for sale.

Mike

 

the one's in my area do... but you have to have your endorsement to get
one...

 

LOL, I can see I am going to have to get legal here real soon like.

Mike


PS, when I get it I am going to send you a copy.

 

LOL, I can see I am going to have to get legal here real soon like.

Mike


PS, when I get it I am going to send you a copy.

 

Some of the places will rent them too.

--
muddy

Testing the limits of gravity since 1947.

icq - 219328929