My, how things change.

Discussion in 'UK Motorcycles' started by Beav, Jun 5, 2008.

  1. Beav

    Beav Guest

    So a pal recently bought his first bike after passing his test. Harley
    Sportster 883. It was kept for about 3 weeks before he decided it wasn't the
    bike for him. The daft **** then bought a fucking Fat Boy. Nice enough if
    big slugs are your thing, but he dropped it first time out and with that
    memory still fresh, decided that it might not be the ideal bike for him as
    he couldn't get it back on its wheels by himself.

    Turns out he's been seduced by bikes (or suckered by the man who flogs 'em
    oop 'ere) so he rang me to ask for some "advice". We discussed what he wants
    from his bike and his criteria was pretty reasonable.

    Something capable of motorway riding at slightly above legal speeds if safe.
    (90mph and he'd be pulling bike bits out of his arse for a week after).
    Something which would be easy to ride.
    Something half the weight or less than his Fat Boy. (He didn't think my
    suggestion "Aircraft Carrier" had merit).
    Something reliable.
    Something that allowed him to reach the floor with both feet. Feet flat, if
    possible.
    Something "all day" comfortable. (He rides REALLY slowly, so even a short
    ride will take him all day).
    Something that said "Ducati" on it.

    Ho hum....

    Given that I know this bloke I thought maybe a nice Monster 620 would fit
    the bill as his experience is VERY limited and he's basically an accident
    looking to happen, so anything that'll keep him as out of trouble as
    possible HAD to be a good idea.

    His parting words were "It looks like a Monster for me then". That was on
    Tuesday of this week.

    Yesterday I hear the dulcet tones of a V-twin strangled by a standard
    exhaust accompanied by the tambourine rattle of a dry clutch, so I drag
    myself out of my chair and go to the door to see the new acquisition. A
    Monster? No fucking way.


    http://www.motorcycle-usa.com/photos/DucatiClassics.jpg

    That's what he turned up on.

    I said "2 weeks tops". "2 weeks what"? he asked. "Before you ditch it in
    favour of a bike you can ride" says I.

    This has GOT to be *THE* most uncomfortable thing ever made to transport man
    or beast.

    With feet on the floor (he can't flat foot the floor) the seat attempts to
    strangle the blood supply to your legs. The reach to the bars is measured in
    yards, not inches (it's worse than any sprotbike I've been on) and HE said
    "It's a bit top heavy".

    I got off it with back ache and I didn't even start the fucking thing.

    His shopping list now includes something to raise the bars from their
    current position of below the front wheel spindle, and he thinks that'll
    "cure it". I don't think he's considered the fact that none of the wires,
    cables or hydraulics will reach the bars if he raises them, but he soon
    will.

    I wonder which bike he'll be on nest week.


    --
    Beav

    VN 750
    Zed 1000
    OMF# 19
     
    Beav, Jun 5, 2008
    #1
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  2. Beav

    Spete Guest

    Did I miss something? Can't remember Nige had had a HD
    :)
     
    Spete, Jun 5, 2008
    #2
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  3. Beav

    SteveH Guest

    Fantastic looking and sounding bikes, but you can tell it's going to be
    fucking uncomfortable just looking at it.

    He needs a mid-90s SuperSport.

    Even I can fllat-foot it (I'm on my tip-toes on the VFR) and I managed 330+
    miles last weekend without suffering any major aches and pains - which is
    about double what I can do on the VFR before it gets painfully
    uncomfortable.
     
    SteveH, Jun 5, 2008
    #3
  4. Beav

    TD Guest

    <snip>

    A Harley and a Ducati in the first few weeks after passing his test. Legend.

    --
    TD
    1991 VFR400R NC30 (black and red)
    2001 ZX-9R (red and black)
    1999 M5 (neither black nor red)
    Missing: SOB, Unreliable Italian exotica, Lardy tourer
     
    TD, Jun 5, 2008
    #4
  5. Beav

    platypus Guest



    Seriously, he might be better off with some variant of Guzzi Jackal
    California Stone thing.
     
    platypus, Jun 5, 2008
    #5
  6. Beav

    Beav Guest

    Two Harley's. He said that he couldn't tell the bike salesman what bikes
    he'd had before the Harley's because they were fucking scooters and he
    didn't want to come over as a bit of a hairdresser.[1]

    He test rode a Ducati on Tuesday (I just found out after his latest visit)
    and he fucking dropped it when he was "doing" a "U" turn. Half way round he
    found himself heading towards the kerb, front brake applied, bike on its
    side. A good start t a career on Duc's eh?

    He also went for a test ride on a new Fireblade but found that a tad too
    aggressive for him [2]

    [1] Odd really, coz that's what he is.
    [2] No shit.


    --
    Beav

    VN 750
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    Beav, Jun 5, 2008
    #6
  7. Beav

    Beav Guest

    I reckon my pal's idea bike has four wheels and an armchair.

    --
    Beav

    VN 750
    Zed 1000
    OMF# 19
     
    Beav, Jun 5, 2008
    #7
  8. Beav

    Beav Guest

    He's currently got a hard-on for Duc's, but that'll change faster than Nige
    changes his bikes I suspect.

    I told him to get his satnav and find a few POI, (namely Chiropractors) and
    set a waypoint for each, but that would be overkill, coz one decent length
    ride (for him that'd be a solid hour) and he'll be done with the cafe racer
    stylee.

    What he needs is a Bonnie. Upright riding position, low seat (he's a
    short-arse), no stretch to the bars, no performance and no pressure to ride
    quickly. I think I'll throw that idea at him coz he's a bit of a "marques"
    collector/owner[1] and the Bonneville may just turn his crank.

    [1] Porsche, Ferrari 355, Aston Martin and once upon a time a Bentley
    Continental.


    --
    Beav

    VN 750
    Zed 1000
    OMF# 19
     
    Beav, Jun 5, 2008
    #8
  9. Beav

    platypus Guest

    platypus, Jun 5, 2008
    #9
  10. Beav

    ogden Guest

    <points at sig>

    Why not cover both bases and pick and choose as the mood takes you? Just
    don't let Lozzo The Destroyer near it.
     
    ogden, Jun 5, 2008
    #10
  11. Beav

    TD Guest

    Funny that, blue one parked today just off Southampton Row, very interesting
    it was too, it did look rather sexy.

    I'll get my coat.

    --
    TD
    1991 VFR400R NC30 (black and red)
    2001 ZX-9R (red and black)
    1999 M5 (neither black nor red)
    Missing: SOB, Unreliable Italian exotica, Lardy tourer
     
    TD, Jun 6, 2008
    #11
  12. Beav

    Lozzo Guest

    Don't buy an RGV250 VJ22 then
     
    Lozzo, Jun 6, 2008
    #12
  13. Beav

    crn Guest

    His local bike dealer has obviously realised that the victim^Wcustomer
    has more money than sense. What he _needs_ is something sensible like
    a GS500 for a year or two. What he _wants_ is something that makes his
    dick a few inches longer and looks either kewl or gay or probably both.
     
    crn, Jun 6, 2008
    #13
  14. Beav

    AndrewR Guest

    I've got a big capacity, nice handling v-twin and it's completely
    wasted on (a) the road and (b) me. It really needs to be on the track
    to do it justice, but it's all new and expensive and shiny.

    I was just about to go and Google for race plastics, funnily enough.
     
    AndrewR, Jun 6, 2008
    #14
  15. Beav

    Lozzo Guest

    Yesterday I took My CBR600 trackbike out for a little play in the
    afternoon. It's barely road legal, with a daytime MOT on account of
    having no lights at all[1], no indicators and there's no mirrors fitted
    either - even the number plate is held on with pins and R-clips to make
    it QD. Before I left I'd promised myself I'd behave and take it easy,
    but that went right out of the window as soon as a set of twisties
    appeared on the horizon. The road became my own personal TT course.

    In contrast, I needed to go out again last night, so jumped on my SV650
    and took that for a play. Again I promised myself I'd behave and true
    enough, I did. I had great fun without really going like a tit, which
    is something I just can't seem to do on the CBR - it simply isn't fun
    unless it's screaming its nuts off. My SV handles superbly now it has a
    Gixer 600 K5 shock and properly valved and sprung forks, so I get my
    kicks on the corners instead.

    The whole reason for getting the SV was to tone down my road riding
    because I was pinning my litre-bikes at every chance I got. It's taught
    me the meaning of restraint, and I've learned to enjoy the ride not the
    speed because of that.

    [1] Not even a brake light, Mr MOT-man says I can't have one.

    --
    Lozzo
    Suzuki SV650S K5
    Honda CBR600 FW trackbike
    Yamaha SR250 Spazz-Trakka
    Suzuki GSXR750 L
    Suzuki TS50X
    Suzuki TS50X
     
    Lozzo, Jun 6, 2008
    #15
  16. Beav

    Beav Guest

    I don't think it's hideous looking, but it hurts my arse and back just
    looking at it. The colour isn't to my liking though.
    I'm beginning to think so.


    --
    Beav

    VN 750
    Zed 1000
    OMF# 19
     
    Beav, Jun 6, 2008
    #16
  17. Beav

    Beav Guest

    What you need is a Buell Firebolt. Highly regarded as a cornering tool, with
    a spread of torque a mile wide (well about 4000 revs) yet not so quick that
    you'll be reaching license threatening terminal velocity in an instant.


    --
    Beav

    VN 750
    Zed 1000
    OMF# 19
     
    Beav, Jun 6, 2008
    #17
  18. Beav

    Beav Guest

    That pretty much sums the situation up perfectly.

    The bike he needs, he doesn't want and the bike he wants he hasn't found,
    but all the bikes that "take his fancy" are in the exotica category because
    he wants to be kewl. Trouble is, he's still a fucking hairdresser :)


    --
    Beav

    VN 750
    Zed 1000
    OMF# 19
     
    Beav, Jun 6, 2008
    #18
  19. Beav

    Lozzo Guest

    Virtually the same motor, yes.
    I know where there's one sitting, but it needs a lot of work, which
    means spending big money.
    Correct again.

    In short - avoid 2-strokes[1]

    [1] I bet you never thought you'd see the day I posted that.


    --
    Lozzo
    Suzuki SV650S K5
    Honda CBR600 FW trackbike
    Yamaha SR250 Spazz-Trakka
    Suzuki GSXR750 L
    Suzuki TS50X
    Suzuki TS50X
     
    Lozzo, Jun 6, 2008
    #19
  20. Beav

    Lozzo Guest

    He wants a blue ZX10R C1H then.



    --
    Lozzo
    Suzuki SV650S K5
    Honda CBR600 FW trackbike
    Yamaha SR250 Spazz-Trakka
    Suzuki GSXR750 L
    Suzuki TS50X
    Suzuki TS50X
     
    Lozzo, Jun 6, 2008
    #20
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