O.T. Some Humour

I like No 18. >

Aido.
Bikeless.

***********
RUN RABBIT RUN

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.



2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.



3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path



4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't Work?
A Stick.

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18 What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

19. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

20. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

***********
MEDICAL TERMS

Medical terms explained
Benign......................... What you be, after you be eight.
Artery......................... The study of paintings.
Bacteria....................... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......................... What doctors do when patients die.
Caesarean Section............... A neighbourhood in Rome.
Catscan........................ Searching for Kitty.
Cauterise...................... Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................... A sheep dog.
Coma........................... A punctuation mark.
D&C............................ Where Washington is.
Dilate......................... To live long.
Enema.......................... Not a friend.
Fester......................... Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................... A small lie.
G.I. Series.................... World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail....................... What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................... Distinguished, well known.
Labour Pain..................... Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.................. A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................... A higher offer.
Nitrates....................... Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................... I knew it.
Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................... A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................... Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative................. A letter carrier.
Recovery Room.................. Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................... Pretty near killed him.
Secretion...................... Hiding something.
Seizure........................ Roman emperor.
Tablet......................... A small table.
Terminal Illness............... Getting sick at the airport.
Tumour.......................... One plus one more.
Urine.......................... Opposite of you're out.
Varicose....................... Near by/close by

***********
TROUBLE

The bar door swings open and little Harry at a time when he was no older
than eleven or twelve walks straight in, and up to the woman who is
serving behind the bar.

"Gimme a large whiskey and a pack of smokes" he announces in a loud
voice.

"Hey" says the woman behind the counter "you wanna get me into trouble ?"

"Maybe later" says Little Harry, "right now, a drink and a smoke...."

 

Whaddya call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter, he won't come when you call him anyway.

Whaddya call an Irishman in a raincoat?
Mac

Whaddya call two Irishmen in raincoats?
Max

Whaddya call two Irishmen in raincoats in the cemetery?
Max Bygraves

 

How many christmas crackers did you have to open to collect that many
different questions and answers?.. and where was the humour you referred to in
the subject?

Nev..
'03 ZX12R

 

Ha! Oh, ROFL!!!1!!! I'd never heard that one before!
The thing is, it's funny because it's true! Oh, lord,
how will I ever stop laughing!

Stop it! I'm dying!

-----sharks

 

You're a cruel man, Sharkey. and you have too much spare time.

;-)

Moike

 

I hear he nailed your head to a table?

big

 

It certainly felt that way

Moike

(assuming you're talking about what I think you're talking about.....)

 

It certainly felt that way

Moike

(assuming you're talking about what I think you're talking about.....)[/QUOTE]

I don't think so, I was implying that you'd broken the unwritten law,
and Nick "Sharkey" Dinsdale didn;t _want_ to nail your head to the
table, you had to insist...

big

 

In aus.motorcycles on Wed, 19 Jan 2005 12:01:59 +1100

Sharkey's fair as well?

Zebee

 

OK, I'll just accept a whooooshhhh!!

'cause I have no idea what you are talking about.

Moike

 

Presenter: One small-time operator who fell foul of Dinsdale Piranha was
Vince Snetterton-Lewis.

Vince: "Well one day I was at home threatening the kids when I looks out
through the hole in the wall and sees this tank pull up and out gets one of
Dinsdale's boys, so he comes in nice and friendly and says Dinsdale wants to
have a word with me, so he chains me to the back of the tank and takes me
for a scrape round to Dinsdale's place and Dinsdale's there in the
conversation pit with Doug and Charles Paisley, the baby crusher, and two
film producers and a man they called 'Kierkegaard', who just sat there
biting the heads of whippets and Dinsdale says 'I hear you've been a naughty
boy Clement' and he splits me nostrils open and saws me leg off and pulls me
liver out and I tell him my name's not Clement and then... he loses his
temper and nails me head to the floor."

Interviewer: He nailed your head to the floor?

Vince: At first yeah

Presenter: Another man who had his head nailed to the floor was Stig O'
Tracy.

Interviewer: I've been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.

Stig: No. Never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to buy his mother flowers
and that. He was like a brother to me.

Interviewer: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head
to the floor.

Stig: (pause) Oh yeah, he did that.

Interviewer: Why?

Stig: Well he had to, didn't he? I mean there was nothing else he could do,
be fair. I had transgressed the unwritten law.

Interviewer: What had you done?

Stig: Er... well he didn't tell me that, but he gave me his word that it was
the case, and that's good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn't
*want* to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me
off. He'd do anything for you, Dinsdale would.



It's all Clements fault!

Al

 

Thank you.

Some of the mists that cloud my memory of portions of the most recent
milennium have parted.

Moike

 

Next we'll have Spiny Norman prowling the ng

 

At last. Some humour!

 

Where?

G

 

When?

 

Who's on first?

-----sharks

 

Why?

 

42

 

Yeah, we know, but what was the question?

Theo