Old farts and barbers

Well that's it. I'm not yet 35 and already I'm an old fart. I went to the
barbers this morning and was shown the chair by young lad, obviously very
proud of his art. Sadly I didn't understand most of what he was trying to
tell me.
"How can I help?"
"Grade 2 side and back, and short on top please"
"How do you wear it on top?"
"Umm, it just sort of sits there"
"Do you want it blended in?"
"Err, okay"
"I'll chop it a bit, give it some texture."
"If you like"
"Do you want anything in that?"

What is it, a fucking burger? Just make it shorter than it is and don't
take all day. He spent the last 5 minutes jabbing at my head with the
scissors, taking off microns of hair at a time.
And then charged me 11 quid for the privilege. 10 minutes later I stuck a
helmet on and ruined all his artistic efforts, I haven't got the heart to
tell him.

Slightly more on topic, I then went to join the scrum at Lidl to buy some of
their pikey bike gear. I was expecting to be elbowed out of the way by mad
staring grannies, but it was all quite civilised. Got some gloves, some
boots, a tankbag, a big chain lock and a balaclava thingy, all for 45 quid.
Bargain.

 

Buy yourself a set of hair trimmers and do it yourself. Probably cost
under GBP20, and they'll have saved you money within two haircuts.

 

I've got a very cute Italian girl who comes round to the house & does
me[1] for £7


[1] In my dreams.

 

You're not an old fart until they have to spend as long cutting the hair
in your ears as that on your head

 

With my artistic abilities I'd probably end up looking an Albanian
refugee.....

 

Nah, it's easy. I do mine myself, and I... ummm... oh, bugger.

 

I fully sympathise sharing the same haircut as you - which I believe
must be on page one of the big book of haircutting they get given on
day one of haircutting school.

The last time I went in I was asked if I wanted any wax in it.
"Just a little" I replied, "I'm only going back to work".
Johnny Haircut then sticks his entire hand in a tub of something
resembling the grease you smear on cross channel swimmers and slathers
it on my head picking and pulling at it until it looks scruffy... yeah,
well done. I had to sit in the office all afternoon looking like I was
off clubbing smelling like a pansy foofoo.

 

Hmm - I'm down to describing how I want mine in millimetres

 

"Once over with the paraquat, love."
"Eh?"
"Just tidy it up, please."

 

Ferger proposed

Yeah, but she isn't my sister! Age, looks, availability please!

 

In uk.rec.motorcycles, Dave A amazed us all with this pearl of wisdom:

Heh. "Wax is for cars" is what I told mine when he asked if I wanted any
in mine.

Yeah, I don't mind about that, it's not like I'm in a hurry to get
anywhere else.

Mine's a tenner and that includes a two quid tip.

 

Ferger proposed

Well, the sprog will sleep at some point and the husband can have his
input on either end, I'm not fussy. ;-)

 

Ferger proposed

Even better, I'm sure she's an inquisitve intelligent lass and would
love to expand her horizon.

 

Ferger says...

Her fire-fighting husband needs to remodel the kitchen.

 

Colin Wilson proposed

Concurrentyl, judging by your haircut the at the last EOSM.

 

LOL.