Schadenfreuder [longish]

Commuting home late this arvo having been on a training course wot
finished nice and early, I made a dash for the M3 (clearly not having
learned my lesson t'other week going t'other way).

I was "making progress" through the three lanes of traffic (all doing
between 65 and 85 mph and all of them fluctuating between the two
extremes, constantly) and was /just/ about to "undertake" a dark,
gunmetal-coloured Volvo T5 saloon...

You know how sometimes, everything seems to go into slow-motion as your
brain goes into hyper-drive? I had one of those.

In the time it takes to say "Driving without due care and attention", I'd
clocked said Volvo, moderated the beanage, clocked the collection of
"things" on his rear parcel shelf, noticed there were two, solidly-built,
white-shirted blokes with short haircuts in the car, switched my attention
to the nearside to avoid clouting them and the numpty in lane 2, clocked
the non-standard, stubby mirror perched above the passenger side factory
fit one and changed lines so as to be /almost/ alongside him.

As I did this, I changed from fourth to sixth and glanced over at the
Volvo to confirm the presence of two of Surrey's finest on board, day-glo
jacket on the back of the driver's seat, epaulettes and little
stainless-steel numbers adorning their shoulders.

Just as I looked at them, the passenger looked at me.

Erk.

With a trailing throttle, I crept down to 68mph and sat there, hoping that
I'd not pissed them off.

They indicated to move back into lane two.

I stayed put until I was able to move to lane one and indicated my intent.

They moved to lane one.

They slowed, slightly.

"Aww crap!" I thought. "They want me to scoot on by and then they'll spy
my plate and then I'm toast."

Backing off further would have only looked even more suspish, so I
indicated back out into lane two and slowly motored on by at 75mph.

I couldn't see their movement/reaction, but I was waiting with bated
breath for that familiar noise and the flashing lights.

I was able to see them now and they were indicating back into lane two
themselves. "Here we go." I thought.

They hesitated behind me for a moment and then continued out into lane
three.

"Ok, so they're either going to pull alongside or they're going to go past
and then pop the sign in the back window." I think.

But no, again. They cruise past at no more than 80mph and I can now see
that passenger plod is on the radio-telephone thing.

Sit tight, wait.

I rode the next five miles /perfectly/; 75mph, good obs, good indications,
assertive but considerate.

I could still see the Volvo, still doing ~80, now about half a mile
distant.

I was /praying/ something would steam by at a ton or more and that would
be that and for an /age/, nothing like that happened; a succession of
Fords, Renaults and BMWs all pottered past at 80-odd mph.

Then, just after J2 where I had, for some reason, expected the Volvo to
turn off, a black E-class Merc /shot/ past, well over the ton.

"Ha!" I thought, "I know something /you/ don't!".

I then got the pleasure of seeing Merc-bloke disappear into the distance
right up to the point that I could only /just/ see the Volvo.

The pair disappeared from view momentarily as they rounded the long curve
just before J1 and then, there, there in the distance, was the reward for
my patience: two dark cars, both displaying a full complement of brake
lights, both hard-shoulder bound.

I stoked the coals slightly and homed in on the scene, just timing it
right so as to catch Merc-man climbing out of his vehicle and the driver
of the Volvo applying hat to head and gesturing for him to try not to get
run over.

It was at this point that I became aware of a black 3-series BMW at my 4
o'clock position. Knowing from past experience that unmarked plod often
hunt in pairs, I refrained from giving it the full berries away from the
little drama now behind me.

I instead, continued to occupy lane two and allowed the BeeEmm to
overtake.

As he drew alongside I saw it was a bloke in his late twenties, grinning
like a cheshire cat; he pointed to me then gestured behind him to the
scene we'd just left behind, lolling his head back and laughing.

I thought it only right to give him a cheeky wink and a nod, a
fingers-only wave from my right hand and then hoon off over the horizon.

Made oi smoile, it did.
:-D

 

"Wik" <> schreef in bericht

<snip>

For those with a slow modem:

Wik rode a bit fast, didn't get stopped, he was happy.

 

Large Snip

Nice

 

Indeed it was.

A cautionary tale, well-written and amusing to boot.
Result, big fella ;-)

 

Indeed, though it would have been Christian to have pulled in behind the
Merc and given him a few high beam warning flashes.

 

Result, big fella ;-)

On a bike I have been given warning flashes by cars so I always give a
warning flash or thumbs down as appropriate - Mr Plod achieves his aim; we
all slow down.

John

 

Silly me - I'm thinking PC Plod's just there to raise revenue.....

 

Quite.

 

Bonus

--
Oldbloke

2000 Honda CB500
BOTAFOT #140
"He's like Robbo's chubby kid brother"