The Grandfathers Tale.

It has been a fucking fabulous week, it really has.

Even on the way home on the back of a recovery truck some 30 hours after
I was left all on me own on Bodmin moor with a badly blown head gasket
not much credit in a phone with known iffy batteries and no pills there
was still highlights to come.

Coming round the M25, not far from home and there is a geezer in a
convertible bmw, on the phone, lugging a beer can. We follow him for a
bit until he finishes his beer and just lobs it straight up in the air.

Needless to say My New Mate Steve[2] gets more than a bit miffed about
cunts in mercs[1] throwing beer cans at his truck and reaches for his
phone.


My pot is fucking overflowing like it hasn't overflowed in ages.





[1] He and my other new good mate Andy who did the first stint has seen
more than a few in his line of work.


[2] He fancies being a biker but is a bit unsure about spending lots of
money on plastic and dropping it so I gave him the old "try 6 months on
a 125" routine. He seemed quite enthusiastic.

 

steve auvache fumbled, fiddled and fingered:

Was it a BMW or a Merc then

--
Steve Parry
K100RS SE & F650
and a 520i SE Touring for comfort

(not forgetting the SK90PY)

http://www.gwynfryn.co.uk

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, steve auvache

30 *hours*? Tell me you're kidding?

And as for the phone, you daft old fucker, you should have said. We
could have figured *something* out.

Merc or beemer, aged one? Make a decision.

Good oh.

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - Manufacturer of the "Champion-105" range of rearsets
and Ducati Race Engineer.

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (On its hols) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Yamaha GTS1000

 

Steve Parry wrote

Look it was an Utter Fucking **** In A Cage getting what was rightfully
due to him and I was so fucking delirious with happiness I really didn't
give a ****.


BMW

 

In uk.rec.motorcycles, steve auvache amazed us all with this pearl of
wisdom:

So did you see him get nicked?

 

Wicked Uncle Nigel wrote

No.


After three hours of promising me a van within the hour Auntie Carol
decided that I should spend the night in a B&B and get the van fixed
next day as it was, at around a grand, too expensive a pull to Essex and
there was nobody around within 100 miles who could do it and their
contract didn't allow me to be without assistance of some/any
description for that long anyway and it was getting dangerously close to
their personal deadline. Fair do's thought I, I have got to get it
fixed, this is not an issue and Cornwall with the sun shining is as good
a place as any. Why not?

Cept..

No **** is going to fix a head gasket on an import brought into their
yard on a Monday but Hey Ho auntie Carole are selling me their services
as experts in these matters who am I to argue?

So, later on, My New Mate Andy, who is an Utter Fucking Nutter
desperately in need of sleep and who had me in hysterical laughter *all*
the way drops me off at the very modestly priced pub/eatery/B&B and
disappears wiv me van promising he will be back after I have had me
breakfast at 10 next morning.

Not a bad gaff. Shit/showed/shaved, had three pints of Tribune and a
bowl of mushroom soup for me lunch and before finding out from My New
Mate Will that they had neither strippers for the evening's
entertainment nor single wimmin of *any* age currently in residence,
retired with the intention to sleep through the cricket, which I did.

Got up, had a steak for me dinner and nattered to a piss head ex matelot
from Kent till bed time. I suspect his initial approach to me may have
been prompted by sight of my clique tea shirt but we will never know but
he did wear a toupee.

Got up had breakfast at nine, sits in the sunshine reading Thomas
Covenant book until bang on the stroke of 10 when My New Mate Andy turns
up.

"Hello mate," I says, "I had a good night in a really comfy bed, did
you get home all right?"

"I've been to Manchester," he says "Hop on, I am relaying you to
Reading"

There is a film scene I cannot quite get a grip on that is ringing bells
frantically about this in my head.

My New Mate Andy duly chugs me up the road at a steady 55 and for my own
sake I engage him in conversion for the whole of the journey spending
most of my time listening to some most amusingly well told anecdotes I
have ever heard. The man was barely conscious but he kept up a
continuous stream of surprisingly coherent conversation. He was fucking
unstoppable.

Get to Reading and My New Mate Steve turns up ten minutes later and we
set off home. He too was encouraged to natter and tell tales and share
in experiences, one of which spawned this thread.

Mountain out of a molehill sonny, I was breaking down in the middle of
nowhere without satnav and gps before you were a half bottle of Chianti
and your mothers parents were out at the pictures for the evening and
don't you fucking forget it.

 

Whinging Courier wrote

No, he turned off up the A10 just after we got off the phone.

 

Bear wrote

Auntie Carole.

It's is all small/medium/large contractors these days anyway, whoever
you insure with, according to My New Mates in the game.

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, steve auvache

<Punches air>

Yes! Yes! YES!

After all these years! *Finally* SBS'd.

Pity that **** Wiglaf's fucked off, I could have had a number out of
this.

Got the head off the mong-van yet then?

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - Manufacturer of the "Champion-105" range of rearsets
and Ducati Race Engineer.

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (On its hols) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Yamaha GTS1000

 

Wicked Uncle Nigel wrote

Not quite.

I have got to sort out the tent and me washing and shit and then make
space for the interior fittings what will be coming out and see if I can
blag the services of someone who knows about modern small diesels for a
couple of days and, with or without competent help, set to it.

 

#39, I think, but that will require verification by the scrutineers. Take
it as a provisional # for the time being...

 

Shades of last year, when it took me 30 hours to make a one hour
journey from Kuwait to Qatar.

I'm fucking never going to fly Gulf Air again. Total cunts.

 

Using the patented Mavis Beacon "Hunt&Peck" Technique, Wiglaf Noxgaga

Ooh! 'Allo Mr Noxgaga.

Thank 'ee kindly.

--
Wicked Uncle Nigel - Manufacturer of the "Champion-105" range of rearsets
and Ducati Race Engineer.

WS* GHPOTHUF#24 APOSTLE#14 DLC#1 COFF#20 BOTAFOT#150 HYPO#0(KoTL) IbW#41
SBS#39(P) Enfield 500 Curry House Racer "The Basmati Rice Burner",
Honda GL1000K2 (On its hols) Kawasaki ZN1300 Voyager "Oh, Oh, It's so big"
Suzuki TS250 "The Africa Single" Yamaha GTS1000

 

Cavity searches.

 

A breakdown taxi-ing in Kuwait, an overnight in the Kuwait Airport
hotel, a flight to Abu Dhabi diverted to Muscat, three hours in
Muscat, a flight from Muscat to Abu Dhabi, ten hours in Abu Dhabi, a
flight from Abu Dhabi to Qatar.

30 hours was door-to-door, hotel to apartment.

 

Christ, it's like night of the living dead here at the moment.

I wonder.... Doc Gonz0, Doc Gonz0, Doc Gonz0 <waits>

 

<Snip much SoC[1] stuff>

Y'know Steve - reading you is like trying to watch 3 TV stations at a
time with each one on full volume..

Confusing, slightly painful but ultimately meaning can be extracted
from the background noise.

Keep it up.

Phil.

[1] Stream of consciousness. I think

 

Phil Launchbury wrote

Snot hard mate[1], like you, I just listen to the voices in me head and
go from there.

Actually it is. To /deliberately/ write it can be very difficult
sometimes. At others it is only a matter of the appropriate mind
altering drugs in sufficient quantities.

 

You have tinnitus too[1]?

Phil.

[1] Not so much voices as constant 2-tone whistle. And I don't mean Bad
Manners either.

 

Phil Launchbury wrote

Doesn't everybody?

Not constant but it does happen, has for years as I recall.