Typical texan?

A Texan is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell
phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of
drinks for everybody in the bar announcing his wife has produced a
Typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that
any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs,
"That's about average down home, folks. Like I said, my boy's a
Typical Texas baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations
of "WOW!". We heard one woman actually fainted due to sympathy
pains.

Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say you're
the father of that Typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth.

Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So
how much does he weigh now?

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is
puzzled,concerned, and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already
weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his, Lone Star beer, wipes his
lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
"Had'm circumcised==
--


Don
RCOS# 7

2000 - Yamaha Venture Millenium Edition
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/radium1.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/banff.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/kananaskis.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/walkercalgary.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/calgarybrowning.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/venture.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/gem.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/highwood.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/reynolds.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/sask.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/osoyoos.htm

 

There was a Texan attorney that lived for many years and one day he died.
We was so rotund and big that try as they may no one made a casket that
would fit the big Texan atttorney. The mortician thought about it for a
while and finally came up with a solution. He gave the big Texan an enema.
They then buried him in a shoe box.

pierce

 

~~~~The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is
puzzled,concerned, and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already
weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his, Lone Star beer, wipes his
lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
"Had'm   circumcised==

Don
RCOS# 7

‘‘Mighty funny, indeed’’(bjay,V4mag)

 

~~The mortician thought about it for a while and finally came up
with a solution. He gave the big Texan an enema. They then buried him in
a shoe box.
pierce~~~

‘‘Mighty dadGum funny’’. Bjay)!

'Ya'll take care'' --BJAY--

 

(BJayKana) wrote in 3332.bay.webtv.net:

Glad you like it. You can substitute politician, used car salesman, or a
variety of other professions for attorney and have it still work. >)

pierce

 

Turnabout is fair play, eh Don? ---->

A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his
arm.
His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of
beer for?"
"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.
"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."

What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?
The taste.

--
Sunny, ISRA #7123
'02 XVS650A "Deerslayer"
'00 XVS650 "Red"
'99 XVS650A - Joe's "Deerslayer Too"
'84 V30 Magna (parting out)

 

Four Americans go to Toronto for a Hockey game. They go to the subway to
ride the subway into town to watch the game. On the train they notice four
Canadians pile into the bathroom in back of the car. After the train leaves
the station the conductor comes around collecting tickets. The conductor
knocks on the door of the bathroom."Tickets" The door cracks open and a
single arm reaches out with a single ticket. The conductor takes the ticket
and moves on.A short time later the four Canadians come out of the bathroom
and take seats near the four Americans. One of the Americans say. Hey that's
a great idea. The Canadians state that they do this all the time and it's a
great way to sneak a cheap ride. After the game on the return trip the
Americans spy the four Canadians at the station again also returning. The
Americans decide they will do the same trick they saw the Canadians do
earlier. They buy one ticket and board the train and head to the back of the
train. The four Americans take the bathroom on the left the four Canadians
the bathroom on the right. Just before the train is about to leave one of
the Canadians slips out of the bathroom and knocks on the door the Americans
are hiding in.He says. "Tickets" A single hand slips out handing him the
ticket and he slips back into the bathroom the four Canadians are in. The
train leaves the station. The conductor comes around to collect
tickets.And..........

 

Back at ya!

OK, there was this Texan, a grizzled veteran of the mean streets to be
sure. While out chasing down any and all bikes with Canadian plates he
found his quest took him all the way to Alberta. Since he was already
in the cold frozen north our Texan decided to partake in a little ice
fishing.

Off to the outfitters to buy some equipment. He buys the tent, the
fold down chair, the heater, the thermos and of course the biggest
baddest, mega horsepower, belt drive Kawasaki ice auger he could find.
Of course he removed all the badging.

Once outfitted our Texan is in search of the nearest sheet of ice.
Finding a likely target he unpacks his equipment and lugs it all out
onto the ice. He sets up the tent, starts up the heater, pours himself
a hot cup of coffee and is about to fire up the badgeless Kawasaki
auger when he hears a big booming voice:

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

Woa! Now this grizzled veteran of the mean streets is not about to be
afeared of some anonymous voice, but he took the advice anyway and
packed up all his stuff and moved to a more opportune location.

Once found, he unpacks his equipment. He sets up the tent, starts up
the heater, pours himself another hot cup of coffee and is about to
fire up the badgeless Kawasaki auger when he hears a big booming
voice:

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

Whatthefuck! Still not surrenderING to the premise there might be a
higher power at work here ouR Texan moves on to find another location.

Once found, he unpacks his equipment. He sets up the tent, starts up
the heater, pours himself his last hot cup of coffee and is about to
fire up the badgeless Kawasaki auger when he hears a big booming
voice:

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

Only slightly cowered our grizzled veteran of the mean streets, in a
very soft voice, almost a whisper asks:
"Is, is this God?"

The big booming voice answers back:

"NO, IT'S THE ARENA MANAGER"


OK, so that's an old one, but so were your's. ;-)
--


Don
RCOS# 7

2000 - Yamaha Venture Millenium Edition
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/radium1.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/banff.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/kananaskis.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/walkercalgary.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/calgarybrowning.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/venture.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/gem.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/highwood.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/reynolds.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/sask.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/osoyoos.htm

 

Somehow that just doesn't quite make it.

pierce

 

But that isn't funny. Morticians don't make caskets. They just buy them
and sell them.

pierce

 

Then there is the Texan that went to Alaska and started bragging how big
things were in Texas, how big the critters are and about how big Texas was.
The Alaskan that was listening to all this tired of it and finally told the
Texan to shut up otherwise he would split Alaska in two and make Texas the
third largest state.

piece

 

Yeah, so they were. <g>

Here's one more and then I'm done.
I have more but I wouldn't want to offend anyone.

And this one is _On Topic_, y'all.

A Texan, a Canadian, and a guy from Michigan, are riding their motorcycles,
out in Big Bend Country. Long toward sundown, they all stop at a camp area,
to pitch their tents. The Texan pulls an expensive bottle of whiskey out of
one of his saddlebags, takes a shot, then another, and suddenly throws the
bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the bottle in mid air.
The Canadian looks at him and says, "What are you doing?! That was a
perfectly good bottle of whiskey!"
The Texan says, "Here in Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are
cheap."
A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Canadian pulls a bottle of
champagne out of his saddlebag, takes a few sips, throws the bottle in the
air, pulls out his gun and shoots it.
The guy from Michigan can't believe this and says, "What did you do that
for? That was an expensive bottle of Champagne!"
The Canadian says "In Canada there's plenty of Champagne and bottles are
cheap."
So a while later the guy from Michigan pulls a bottle of beer out of his
Detroit Lions cooler that he carries, strapped to his sissybar. He opens
it, takes a sip, takes another sip, and then chugs the rest. He then puts
the empty bottle into his saddlebag, pulls out a gun, turns around and
shoots the Canadian.
The Texan, shocked, says, "What the hell did you do that for?"
The guy from Michigan says, "Well, in Michigan, we have plenty of Canadians
but bottles are worth a dime."

~The End~

<G,D&R>

--
Sunny, ISRA #7123
'02 XVS650A "Deerslayer"
'00 XVS650 "Red"
'99 XVS650A - Joe's "Deerslayer Too"
'84 V30 Magna (parting out)

 

Yeah not wanting to offend anyone, I am done too. After all it's not
Reeky!

LOL now that one I haven't heard before.
--


Don
RCOS# 7

2000 - Yamaha Venture Millenium Edition
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/radium1.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/banff.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/kananaskis.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/walkercalgary.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/calgarybrowning.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/venture.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/gem.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/highwood.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/reynolds.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/sask.htm
http://www3.telus.net/public/dbinns/osoyoos.htm

 

Them ('em) are ducks

Them ('em) are not.

Oh yes they are.

Correction: "C D E D B D wings?"

See the itty bitty wings?

Well I be.

Them ('em) are ducks

Ebonics? Since when is making fun of rednecks, politically incorrect?
And what does redneckese have to do with Jesse Jackson?

L, I do dee clar. Thet thar sayounds ah taed ray syst, y'all reckund? 4
shame, 4 shame.

--
Sunny, ISRA #7123
'02 XVS650A "Deerslayer"
'00 XVS650 "Red"
'99 XVS650A - Joe's "Deerslayer Too"
'84 V30 Magna (parting out)

 

Ever see those construction trucks that have "Non-Potable Water" in 6 inch
letters on the side? This causes all manner of confusion in certain
areas.

"Wha' the hell they be talkin about. That damn truck done gots wheels and
be movin'. It most certainly be po'table water. Can't get any more
po'table than that! Crazy mo'fos!!!"

pierce

 

I have, lol, but then again, I'm from Michigan. Ummm... are you done with
that bottle?

Vic

 

‘‘Bjay,Glad you like it. You can substitute politician, used car
salesman, or a variety of other professions for attorney and have it
still work. >)
(pierce!)

‘‘ Ya shore nuff could’’ BJAY

'Ya'll take care'' --BJAY--

 

‘‘Don,What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?
The taste.’’ RL

‘‘anuther funni'un, quit it, ya'll’’
(bjay)

 

‘‘How about retired, self-important blowhard living in a
trailer? <chuckle>’’
(iggy)


‘Iggy,somehow that just doesn't quite make it.’’ (pierce)


‘‘Iggy, finish your funny Texas Joke, little buddy, if you have
the balls to do it? Tell us the punch line!! BJAY!)