Writing 200 words with a question as the bottom line.

I've been given the opportunity by Standards Australia to put a
QUESTION to the committee currently working on the revised standards
for AS/NZS 3845. I need to move fairly quickly.

Some time ago, I dropped a comment on this blog (http://
www.irfnews.org/blog/detail/motorcycle-safety/ search for THE TEXT
'VTR250') and I was thinking of using some of it as a base (it will
have to be completely re-written for its new audience of course).

I'd like any constructive criticism of that post you can come up with
in next 48 hours, please. BTW, BB - you're a professional writer
aren't you?!

Some mistakes I can see already are:
1) the convention mentioned in the blog happened a while ago and the
discussion had stopped by the time the comment was posted.
2) It refers to EN 1317 when the discussion was really about the
equivalent US standard (unknown).
3) The writing style fits a stereotype I don't want to carry forwards,
and it reads like a reaction to being exposed to risk involuntarily,
which is perceived to be artificially created (as opposed to the tree
behind the barrier, which is natural) and it needs to be rephrased as
a question.

You may as well put feedback on this thread rather than against the
article, which seems to be inactive (apart from foreign-language
students asking me to write their thesis for them).

Thanks.

 

I was racking my brains trying to think of the last error: it's the
line about HIC 6000; you're expected to die at a HIC of 1000, so if
your HIC is 6000 on paper you'll be 600% dead. I think I read
somewhere that a HIC of 1000 translates into a deceleration of 60 g-
force, but I could be wrong.

 

Did you miss Zebee's post above: 'Crash Barriers - want to help?'

 

Whoosh.......