You know you've been reading too much ukrm when...

Just called in to the mini Tesco down the road and there are loads of
police about. It seems they've closed off one of the local roads due to
a "serious incident", the woman in the shop was complaining as she
couldn't get home and says "what am I going to do?"

The phrase "Move to a less pikey area" very nearly escaped my lips.

 

In uk.rec.motorcycles, MattG belched forth and ejected the following:

That happens to me a lot.

Quite apart from calling complete strangers "****" to their face, I find
myself using "molish" and "it's fucked, I'll give you a tenner for it".

 

[snip]

So this is how you got into trouble with that fat bird?

 

In uk.rec.motorcycles, Slider belched forth and ejected the following:

No, I got into trouble with the fat bird because like a lot of blokes,
the penis rules the head

 

Angle grinder...

 

More likely your fucking desparate, and wanted a change from
wanking......................lol

k

 

Yep, that's the one I suffer from. UKRM has demoted the word '****' in
my mind to the status of a mild comedic rebute to be used in every day
language.

Not good.

 

Yep. Last week I called my esteemed management team "a shower of
cunts" in conversation with my fragile colleagues.

--
Marina Mayes - Reading, UK. To email me remove XX from my address
SR250 - on the road again. BOTAFOT12, BOD#2, BOTAFOS#2
KotLBOD#s, KotLBOTAFOS#s,IMC#2, Tart#10-19, SR#3
I never give in to fear or blackmail; I always give in to temptation.
"You're a national treasure" - porl, 18.1.03

 

on the last TOG tour I did (years ago), I'd arranged to meet someone
at a Little Chef on the (I think) A2. I got to one, and by a certain
point reckoned I was at the wrong one - I went inside and asked one of
the staff if there was another "Little Thief" in the area.

 

LOL! - what *was* their reaction? Did any need hospital treatment?

 

In uk.rec.motorcycles, Ken belched forth and ejected the following:

Christ, it's not the school holidays already is it?

 

In uk.rec.motorcycles, belched forth and ejected the following:

"Pontificating flange" may well be the next.

 

In uk.rec.motorcycles, marina belched forth and ejected the following:

Yup, I remember telling one of the transport managers that that's who
the place was run by, too

Suddenly it becomes clear.

I don't have issues, it's UKRM's fault!

 

"You're" and "desperate", you thick ****. If you must act the way you do the
least you could do is spell correctly.

Si

 

They probably wanted to say the same.

 

Not quite; there was a silence, during which time I reflected that I
should perhaps have chosen different words. Then "What did you say?"
and I duly repeated it. Then rather nervous laughter. I did not
apologise.

--
Marina Mayes - Reading, UK. To email me remove XX from my address
SR250 - on the road again. BOTAFOT12, BOD#2, BOTAFOS#2
KotLBOD#s, KotLBOTAFOS#s,IMC#2, Tart#10-19, SR#3
I never give in to fear or blackmail; I always give in to temptation.
"You're a national treasure" - porl, 18.1.03

 

They'll be used to that. The first time I encountered the term was from
my housemate at uni, he worked for them and picked it up from his
colleagues.

 

<g>

<pause for thought>

I guess that, on reflection, what you did was what I would expect you to
do IYSWIM.

 

What was the official UKRM term for a 'Happy Eater'? My mates used to
favour 'Grim Consumer'.

Apropos of that this made me laugh:

http://travel.guardian.co.uk/restaurants/story/0,13739,1449178,00.html
--

+-----------------------------------------------------------------+
| Pete Fisher at Home: |
| Voxan Roadster Moto Guzzi Mille GT/Squire RS3 Gilera Nordwest |
| Gilera GFR Moto Morini 2C/375 |
+-----------------------------------------------------------------+

 

In uk.rec.motorcycles, Pete Fisher belched forth and ejected the
following:

This made me laugh:
"And let us spare a thought for the now-defunct Happy Eater chain of
roadside diners, which was doomed from the start for two reasons: first,
because its logo was a bald, fat, crapulent chef with his fingers down
his own throat (seemingly in an attempt to induce vomiting)"

And this:
"Looking up from the glumness on my plate, I observed the equally glum
clientele. The sort of people who regard Angus Steak Houses as
dangerously bohemian and are unperturbed by the stink of rancid
vegetable oil and stale cigarette smoke that hangs in the air like a low
cloud over a mountain. As industrial-strength disinfectant was sprayed
on to the tables around me (and the mist floated on to my plate), I
noticed one spotty youth in the smoking section whose protracted nose-
picking session became so involved that I feared his head would cave
in."